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Baby, don't say goodbye.

about me.
Hello, I am theo:)


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Tuesday, January 25, 2011 { 2:59 AM }

I'm having those sleepless nights ever since the night before school reopened. I'm suspecting I'm having insomnia, and I think this is bad. I wonder if I'm suffering from any illness:( I really wanted to sleep very badly because I'm physically very tired. But! There's like a thousand and one things running through my head. It's not just one night, it has been about 3 consecutive nights already. I hope tonight won't be another of those sleepless nights..
Today had a long talk with a friend, someone who is near to me, yet we don't talk that often nowadays. I learnt so much from our conversation today and it made me realize a lot of things. love talking to her, and it made me understand her better. I find her presence comforting:)
I think life has everything planned out for you and you don't have to always worry so much. Sometimes all it need, is time. Yea, I guess I'm just trying to make myself feel better because I feel that my life is taking forever to work out. But it does make me feel better to think this way. I think this is the so called the "Defense mechanism" we've learnt right.
Although I was comforted by this "heart to heart talk" session with my friend, I was kind of demoralized by another of my friend. It just made me feel that she's getting all that she wants and she's like boasting it. Maybe I am just bitter (to think it that way), but I feel that it's not that good to keep going on and on when your friend here does not have what you have. But hey, who needs whatever you have when I'm surviving pretty well here (I hope), right? Sigh.
School's been fine because it's just the starting. I think I really have to start reading my textbook and all because I'll look clueless in lecture. I felt quite confused during statistics today but felt that I learnt a lot from the lecturer. Lecture ended at around 1130. After that two of my friends and me all felt so hungry and decided to go to macs for lunch. Lunch was all about complains. Hahaas! Then we walked down to Yun Nam book stall to get the textbooks though I didn't get mine (I just went to check out the prices). Went back to HSS post graduate office and sat there to talk. That was such a long talk:) The three of us talked till the rain came, then went, then came, then went again before we all decided to leave. After that I went to eat xiao long bao with one of my friend (while the other leaves for home). Ordered like one tray each but still felt like eating some more, so we ordered another tray each. This time I really cannot finish and left two there. What a pity right? My friend didn't want to waste so slowly tried her best to finish it. She really did manage to finish it up! As we were deciding to leave, her roomie called and told her about a new ice-cream stall. We went over and then decided to get some ice-cream. The ice-cream is goooood! Shall go there again soon:) That canteen is seriously like my favourite place. Reached back hall at around 5 plus sick. I got so sick in my tummy that I threw up all the xiao long bao and the ice-cream:/ Quite bad, because the thing that came out was bitter..After that I didn't have appetite. Met my roomie and another friend for dinner but I really couldn't eat. Saw their sumptuous dinner but just couldn't put in my stomach, so I drank a coke. But i felt hungry after that and went to get cheese waffles.
I just got back to room. Okay, I feel tired now. I shall attempt to sleep. Actually I wanted to read something, but..I guess I'm just too tired. Good night.
I don't need you to survive.

Saturday, January 22, 2011 { 8:03 AM }

I thought it was over for me, but now, it seems like I'm still not over you. Or at least it feels like it. Gosh, I don't know why I have this feeling or is still harbouring hopes (I am not suppose to). I've gave up so many years ago, but now it's coming back. I found back the initial reason I liked you, your warmth, your gentleness, your friendliness..I've lost it after getting in contact with you again. But now I'm starting to remember it clearer. Maybe you shouldn't treat me so well. That way I know what I did in the past was right and continue to move on. I've moved on, but there's this string that keep pulling me back. You and our past is confusing me, haunting me, so will you do something to make me feel better. Stop torturing me please. Let it go and set us free..
School's going to reopen and there is this huge mess to clear. I think we are the bottleneck here so I better quickly do something and get those things done. I've been working during the holidays but this thing doesn't seem to be getting anywhere:( Must be my fault for being too slow again right? Sigh. And the Malaysia trip didn't help either, taking me off from work for 10 days. But those days in Malaysia were great. I didn't need to think about anything, worry about anything (because I can't do anything either). How I wished I had a life like that. But in reality this cannot happen to me. I miss the food and the people especially the kids. They made me realise a lot of things and that made me think about my past and future. I've got back my results and they are not fantastic at all. That made me a little disappointed, but I think I didn't put in as much effort as I am suppose to put in. This is the results I deserve and I agree with this. You reap what you sowed right? So I promised myself that next semester, I will work harder:) I know next semester will be a hectic one, one with 6 mods and all the publicity stuff to clear, so I have to plan my time, stay focus and work hard. This will keep my mind off a lot of things and people right?